I really tried to arrive in Abu Dhabi with no expectations. But after 18 hours in this place (of which I spent 9 asleep) I still find myself disappointed and ready to bang my gavel in judgment.
This town, dear friends, is true hell on earth; a bland, sterile, arranged world; an ode to the beige and non-offensive; a Starbucks within a McDonald’s wrapped in a Walmart. It is, in essence, something as unbearable as a Las Vegas without booze.
The Borders bookstore sells mostly toys, but I do find a photo essay with mid-century images from the city. Crumbling buildings, fishing boats with odd shaped sails, men in robes with daggers in their belts. Poor and illiterate, yes, but full of flavor and history.
When petroleum money poured in, the Bedouins seemed quick to throw all that out in an effort to be modern, but replaced it with nothing but consumerism. Advertising for “heritage exhibitions” and “traditional villages” speak of a desperate need to reconnect with the old ways, a lifestyle that is forever lost in an ocean of freeways and man-made, crescent shaped islands.
Am I romantisizing? Of course! That is my privilege as an ignorant outsider. Maybe I am just bitter over having missed the era of Lawrence of Arabia, and because what little is left of it is now being destroyed by the war in nearby Yemen.
For genuine ambiance, Lonely Planet recommends a visit to the Mina fish market and I go there first thing in the morning expecting to see some local action. 10 minutes later I wanna write a letter to the guidebook’s editors letting them know that if a place is a shithole it is ok to describe it as such. Digging too deep for positive adjectives serves no other purpose than making your readers angry, as in the end all you’re doing is putting lipstick on a camel.
I find a cab and escape to the mall. Because that’s where Abu Dhabi excels! Cool, clean, vast and luxurious, the malls stretch for blocks and reach for the sky. I settle in with a Venti Iced Mocha and realize that once you accept the status quo life is not that bad. I should just go with the flow and enjoy the fact that New Balance sneakers are 50% off.
I ride the waves of caffeine and contemplate the rest of my journey, wondering whether I should continue to Oman or India. One is sandy and the other dirty. I like them both!
At 11:30am my thoughts are interrupted by the national anthem playing throughout the mall. Activity comes to a halt while everyone stands up and face a giant flag being raised under the glass ceiling.
I go back to my hotel room for a jetlag nap. The mini bar contains one can of unknown brand soda and one onion – possibly shallot. I pass out on the bed, promising myself that next time I have a long layover in Abu Dhabi I will just stay at the airport. At least there they serve booze.
