“You can drive all the way to the top OF THE PARKING LOT of this volcano. From there, you will drag your fat ass for 30 minutes up a virtually vertical concrete path that is so slippery that you have to hold on to the handrail with both hands and pull yourself forward.
Dripping wet vegetation, most of it with thorns, will slap you in the face for the duration, and strange noises coming from the undergrowth will scare the shit out of you.
Halfway up, you will begin smelling sulfur which will make you wonder if you are already dead and are now entering Hell, or – if this is not Hell – you should just off yourself right now as you can’t possibly have anything to lose at this point.
If you reach the top you will be exhausted to the point of tears and will spend most of your energy trying to clean the dirt off your wet clothes and body – mentally and emotionally unable to enjoy the view; a view which will likely be obstructed by fog.
On the way down you won’t slip and fall on your face, but instead on your ass. This will probably cause you to fracture your coccyx. You will then spend the rest of your vacation with a plaster cast around your posterior, not being able to swim, and having to fend off the locals’ giggles as you’re forced to tell them that you broke your butt.
Also, the only pair of shoes you brought on your trip will stay wet for the next two days.”
THAT is what the guidebook SHOULD have said.
Jesus Christ! This vacation is killing me!!
