On her recent visit to San Francisco’s up-and-coming Bayview neighborhood, I sat down with the mega star for an intimate chat.
-It’s not easy to talk about this, she says as she grasps the coffee mug.
-I’ve held it in for a long time.
What she’s held in are the tales of the sexual advances she faced from men while making a pornographic film many years ago. It’s only thanks to the #metoo campaign where other stars such as Gwyneth Paltrow and Alyssa Milano has come forward that she now feels comfortable talking about it.
She takes a swig of coffee and sets the mug down a little bit too hard. Then she opens up.
-I was so naive, says the Queen of Pop and smiles at her own British pronounciation of the word.
-All I knew was I wanted to make a porn movie.
Madge then tells the story of a sordid porn industry where women were routinely asked to have sex with men if they wanted to do porn.
-“No dick, no pic” was the saying back then. And all us girls just accepted it! It was common knowledge that if you wanted to be in porn you would have to sleep with at least one man…
Her voice breaks. I pour her some more coffee from the thermos, and wish I had some cream and sugar to offer her. It is a little intimidating having such a celebrity at one’s kitchen table.
We sit in silence for a bit. She stares towards the sink, her thoughts seemingly eons away.
The Material Girl doesn’t want to tell me exactly what year these events took place, but mean-spirited sources date her short stint in porn to “pre women’s suffrage”.
She draws a deep breath and, as the sun sets outside the window, continues talking in a soft voice. Her pain is visable as she reveals the shocking details.
-When I arrived on the porn set, the director – a man – immediately asked me to get undressed. When I hesitated, he told me that if I wanted to be a porn star I would have to have sex with men.
Ms. Ciccone says she was so stunned by this that she just complied. Once she was naked, another man entered the room. She was told this was the man she would have to have sex with “or she would not be allowed to be in the porn film”.
She cringes at the memory even though it’s so many years ago.
-Everyone on the set was so casual about it, as if women sleeping with men to get to be in a pornographic films was totally normal!
Skipping over some of the more graphic details, Esther then paints a vivid picture of performing sexual acts with the man that the director had chosen.
-They called him my “co-star”, as if the fact that we were both “stars” would make the whole situation ok.
Maddy clears her throat.
The porn shoot continued all afternoon, with the director repeatedly encouraging her to have more and more sex with the male “co-star”. Words like “Good job!” and “You’re looking great, Sweetie!” were yelled across the room for all to hear.
The Queen of Reinvention falls silent again. There’s still more she wants to say, but she can hardly get it out.
Finally, she closes her eyes and whispers:
-And they filmed it all…
It turns out that the director had caught everything on film and that it was all to be shown to the general public!
-I just wanted to be a porn star, says Mo as she wipes away a tear.
-Who knew I’d have to go through all that…
Darkness has fallen and we hear scattered gunfire from the nearby affordable housing projects. The star’s personal assistant quietly coughs as a sign that the interview is over.
As we part, Louise squeezes my hand hard and says:
-You know, it feels good talking about this! Please write about it. Young, aspiring pornstars need to know what they’re getting into!
About the men who made her go through that long-ago ordeal, she says:
-Fuck’em! I’m richer than God now!
[photo of Madonna washing up after the interview]
